Dating games 521.
(photo credit: Pepe Fainberg)
Staying friends with an “ex” can be a very tricky thing once you enter a new
Most boyfriends don’t want to see any man look at you with
desire in his eyes – especially not a man you used to have relations
Your boyfriend doesn’t want to be around someone you used to kiss,
someone you may have said “I love you” to, someone who knows the exact spot on
your ear that you like to have nibbled, someone who knows your
Boyfriends don’t want to believe that there was ever any guy
before them – as illogical as that may sound – and seeing the proof only rubs it
Boyfriends know that most guys can’t just be “friends” with a girl,
no matter how much they insist that they can. Boyfriends know that your ex
staying friends with you might, and probably does, mean that he wishes he was
still with you.
Girlfriends aren’t much different. We also don’t want to
see your former lover hanging around; It doesn’t matter how good friends you are
now or how long ago your relationship was. Don’t even give us the opportunity to
start comparing ourselves with your ex because I promise you don’t want to go
there. I know you may think it sounds cute for your
ex-girlfriend-turned-good-friend to become friends with your current girlfriend,
but it’s not. Put yourself in your girlfriend’s position: would you want to be
buddies with your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend? Probably not. It doesn’t matter
that you can rattle off a dozen reasons why you broke up. The fact of the matter
is you used to be a couple, you used to be attracted to each other and you
probably saw each other naked.
My sister would disagree. She was in a
serious relationship with someone for more than two years.
friends after she broke up with him, but everyone always suspected he stuck
around because he wanted to be there when she came to her senses.
that never happened. My sister got married a few years ago and guess who signed
her ketuba? Yup, that serious ex-boyfriend.
Odd, right? She and her
husband keep in touch with the ex and even stay with him when they’re visiting
Her husband says he doesn’t feel threatened, but the rest of us
know that if anything ever happened, that ex would be there in a heartbeat. My
brother-in-law is obviously comfortable with the friendship but this is a major
One of my friends is so aware of the exboyfriend/ current
boyfriend problem that she straight out lied. I’m not saying this is way to go,
but it worked for her. She stayed such good friends with her high school
sweetheart that they became roommates during college. But when she started
dating the guy who would eventually become her husband, she knew telling him the
truth about their history wouldn’t fly. Even though she and her ex had
maintained a purely platonic relationship for years, her future hubby would
never have believed that. And rightly so, since he knows how guys’ brains work!
Her serious relationship with her future husband ended her friendship with her
ex. That sounds harsh, but it’s not. They grew apart.
They were in
different parts of their lives and there was no reason for them to continue to
keep in touch.
She now has a man in her life and doesn’t need a single
guy friend hanging around with whom she secretly used to be
Maybe you think your mate is being unnecessarily jealous, but
try to bite your tongue before you throw this accusation in his or her
Accusing someone of being green-eyed will only anger the
Instead, realize that not everyone can understand the idea of
remaining friends with someone that you’ve shared a part of your life with. Once
you enter a new relationship, the least you can do is respect your new partner’s
wishes that you no longer maintain a close friendship with an ex. In the long
run, it’s not too much to ask for if the relationship develops into something
more. And if they don’t mind, then continue to respect your mate by not sharing
private jokes or having any physical contact with your ex.
most people don’t have single friends of the opposite sex once they’re married.
Why should they? Your spouse is your opposite-sex friend now and there’s no
reason for you to be friends with old flames anymore. Even childhood friendships
change – these aren’t the people you are going out with to the clubs to drink
and dance and flirt; They are now the family friends you get together with once
they become part of a couple as well. The dynamic changes, plain and simple, and
you might say that you won’t let that happen, but chances are, it
You’re going to want to spend quality time with your mate, and
having your single, opposite-sex friend there (whether or not he or she used to
be your lover) as the third wheel will just be awkward.
harsh. Unfortunately it’s the truth.
Hopefully your single, opposite-sex
friend will meet a mate around the same time and you can become best couple
friends. And remember, when you and your friend grow apart, it’s not personal...