Persistence pays off

Ben and Liana's story is a great lesson in taking that extra step to romance.

By TAMAR CASPI SHNALL
Dating games (photo credit: Courtesy)
Dating games
(photo credit: Courtesy)
Friends of mine are celebrating their second wedding anniversary this month – but it’s not the achievement that stands out as significant, it’s the journey.
Liana and Ben were both in their late 30s when it seemed they had each respectively dated everyone in the community, Jewish or not. How they hadn’t yet dated each other I’m not sure, but as soon as Ben caught sight of Liana, it was the end of him. He knew she was his beshert, but he had to convince her.
That was when the persistent romancing began.
You see, Ben had recently found a website that customized and sent greeting cards, so he began slyly getting to know Liana through their mutual friends and sending her card after card after card.
Some included a funny photo of him with an even funnier caption. The wording ranged from: “Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams” to “I looked up the word ‘beautiful’ in the dictionary, and there was a picture of you.” The lines got cheesier and cheesier, but they made Liana laugh.
Some photographs showed beautiful scenery such as the beaches of Fiji, Tel Aviv, Greece and Hawaii, with the captions saying that he “hoped to visit these places with her one day.”
Others were actual photos of Liana, which Ben had somehow pilfered from friends, and included cute captions such as: “You look hot here, but you’d look even better with me next to you.” A few times Ben even Photoshopped the two of them in a photograph together and made a cartoon drawing.
None of his missives asked Liana out, and none included his phone number. He just kept sending the cards. There was one on her birthday, one on Teacher Appreciation Day (Liana teaches high-school English) and a Rosh Hashana card. Sometimes the cards arrived in the mail with a box of brownies or candy, or a puzzle.
Liana wasn’t creeped out by what others may regard as stalking, obsession or just infatuation. She thought Ben’s approach was sweet and cute, enjoyed receiving the cards at random times, and kept them all.
And then one day, Ben sent her the final card – No. 36 (for double hai, their two lives). It came at the end of the third month, together with a dozen red roses. It asked Liana to meet Ben on the beach at sunset, but didn’t include a way for her to say no.
Liana wasn’t actually planning to say no – in fact, she couldn’t wait to finally meet him – but Ben wasn’t even going to give her the chance to refuse. And so she went, already charmed, bringing all 36 cards with her. She was swept off her feet before meeting Ben, and he didn’t disappoint in person. They were engaged six months later; and now, on their second wedding anniversary, they are planning their son’s first birthday party and Ben’s 40th.
Ben had felt that Liana was somewhat out of his league, so he went above and beyond what he had ever done before to attract a woman. He could tell she was someone special and was willing to pull out all the stops, to take the time and make the effort to appeal to her in a way she had probably never been romanced before.
Liana had been wined and dined by many a man, but she had never been made to feel as amazing as Ben made her feel – and she wanted to feel that way every day for the rest of her life and, in return, make him feel as valuable too.
I think Ben’s and Liana’s romance is a great lesson in taking that extra step. People are so tired of being single that they no longer try hard. But instead of going through the normal doldrums of dating, try to spice things up by making a little more effort.
Maybe Ben’s tactics were a bit extreme, but I’m sure you can find something to make your date feel like he or she stands apart from the pack – and hope they do the same for you. Rather than choosing a neighborhood bar or restaurant for a date, suggest something more adventurous such as hiking, rock-climbing, kayaking or horseback riding. Or suggest a cute idea – like pretending you have a movie premiere to go to and going to an expensive boutique and trying on clothes you’d never in a million years be able to afford; or crashing open houses pretending to be a wealthy newlywed couple looking to buy a mansion.
You may not want to pull out the stops for every first date (or before you even formally meet someone, like Ben did) but if someone is good enough for a second or third date, then let them know it. Actions speak louder than words, so find a way to actually show that you’re interested, in addition to saying it.
After a date, everyone sends and receives a text saying they had a good time – so what can you do set yourself apart?