By ARYEH DEAN COHENhow not to live your life 248.88(photo credit: )
Has someone gone plumb crazy at HOT Channel 3? How else can one explain the recent changes made in the fall schedule which leave some programming that parents might find unsuitable for their kids to see at hours they're likely to be watching, while relegating other stuff to hours too late for some younger teens to catch their favorites shows?
As pointed out by our eagle-eyed daughter, the channel is running two (that's 2!) episodes of the series Swingtime - which revolves around a small town where newcomers are introduced to parties where the residents trade spouses - and leaves little to the imagination at 1:45 p.m., followed by The OC, not exactly the show you want your youngster watching at 3:05 p.m., either. Then Swingtime's repeated at 7:15 p.m., we assume so that the kids who missed it earlier while doing their homework can catch it before they go to bed.
Mad Men, itself not exactly a kids show, is being shown at 8:45 p.m. Meanwhile, the new season of the enjoyable - even for most older kids - Ugly Betty, a series with its heart in the right place, has been assigned the Thursday 10 p.m. slot, one that would be past our daughter's bed time if it weren't for the fact that she doesn't have school Friday.
Well, don't worry - maybe your kid will just watch HOT Zone when they come home from school, in time to catch the gory CSI - New York at 3:30 p.m., followed by its Las Vegas and Miami relatives. At least if you decide to kill your son for not taking out the garbage after you've asked him for the millionth time, your other kids may know how to dust the house for prints and put you in the slammer for it.
As for HOT Family, it's just endless reruns of Dr. Phil, Oprah and the like, and they're even bringing back Dharma and Greg - a fun show - but it's already been rerun to death.
With cable prices not exactly cheap, HOT and particularly Channel 3, really need to take another look at the new schedule. With the departure of Damages, and outside a few quality shows like House and Ugly Betty, the channel is far from what it could be.
FURTHER EVIDENCE OF this point was offered up by How Not to Live Your Life, a so-called comedy on the ramblings of a sex-craved jerk. It also may have set the record for overuse of the word "dickhead" in one episode.
The UK series focuses on Don Dangury. "I have a habit of getting myself into sticky situations," admits Don, who's sleeping with his boss.
In dealing with those situations, the series uses a premise in which we're offered a series of choices, as when Don has his one-night stand with his boss. On the screen we get; "5 Things You Should Say After a One-night Stand," followed by all five of them played out, including Don saying to his boss; "I've been taking pictures of you all night." Ultimately, Don always chooses the wrong one, here pasting a post-it to her face explaining how great the sex was.
Sleeping with his boss doesn't work out too well - she fires him, for, among other things, vomiting on the copying machine and listening to porn loudly on his office computer. Then we get "Five Things You Shouldn't Do When You're Fired," including - if you can imagine - him peeing on her desk.
Yes, this is a show with very low standards for humor. Don has called in to hear his grandmother's will, which begins; "To Donald - You are a dickhead, probably the biggest dickhead I ever knew." Nonetheless, she bequeaths him her house, which Don imagines will be great, until he meets his old lady neighbor, where we're given "Four Things You Hope Your Neighbor Doesn't Say," including: "It'll be so nice to have a strong man living next door - I need a lot of help getting on and off the toilet."
Then Don finally lands a sexy roommate - his old high school crush Abby. It turns out she comes along with her boyfriend Karl, which gives us "Four Things Don Wants to Do to Karl," including hypnotizing him into killing himself. And if that's not enough, the episode ended with Don's housekeeper saying; "Things can't get much worse," after which Don steps outside - to see the old lady next door sunbathing nude, yelling at him: "Pervert!"
There are very few, if any, laughs here, a lot of star and writer Dan Clark's bum, and not much to recommend it, based on the pilot episode. It's definitely rated R, so why put it on at 9:30 p.m.? Another wrong decision by Channel 3, we'd say, leaving us with a long list of Things Wrong With This Channel.
How Not to Live Your Life airs on Sunday nights on Hot Channel 3 at 9:30 p.m.
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