The Knesset has officially announced the establishment of a new ministry, the Protest Ministry, led by MK Riv Palaga.
“Protests, both within our country and exported worldwide, are one of our most valuable commodities,” Palaga said during her swearing-in ceremony. “It will be an honor to lead our country in ensuring that our protests remain a highlight of Israeli society.”
The Protest Ministry will be responsible for, among other things, producing items on the cultural agenda to protest about, regulating protest signs and slogans, and producing resources for those engaging in freestyle protesting outside of regulated public affairs (“kvetching”).
Palaga confirmed she would be working closely with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir, Finance Minister Betzalel Smotrich, and the haredi parties to maximize Israel’s production of controversy and ensuing protests.
The Transportation Ministry and Education Ministry have also stated that they will be collaborating with the Protest Ministry on several new endeavors going forward.
“We had an excellent period at the start of the year, when we had several unique topics to protest about,” Palaga said.
“Some topics we’ve been seeing for years, such as the haredi draft, we hope to further deepen. Others, such as the milk protests or the haredi childcare facilities, are brand new, and we’re excited about the opportunities for protests they present.”
After her swearing-in, Palaga was asked about the international protest situation.
“There is no doubt in my mind that we are still number one for worldwide protests,” she stated.
“Iran has tried to establish a protest trade of their own, but they don’t understand how a government needs to respond to a protest in order to compete internationally.
“Meanwhile, President Trump has been throwing his weight around, trying to make America a major player with what’s happening in Minnesota and Greenland. I believe, however, that protests for and against Israel are still dominating the global protest conversation.”
The ministry’s establishment was met with widespread outrage, prompting Palaga to declare immediate success.
“I’ve heard that the ministry wants to regulate the text on protest signs,” an independent protest organizer in Jerusalem told The Jerusalem Roast.
“I can understand doing that for large companies, but small protest sign manufacturers like myself can’t afford to alter the way we do things. My signs are more than a commodity to be regulated – they’re works of art.”
The protest organizer in question sold signs reading “Settlements not shtetlments,” “More like Not-anyahu,” and “I went to an Israeli protest and all I got was this stupid protest sign.”
New ministry a leap forward
Others have hailed the new ministry’s establishment as a leap forward in Israel’s protesting capabilities.
“Our achievements, so far, have been a mixed bag,” one career protester said.
“On the one hand, we’ve reached huge numbers in Israel thanks to Netanyahu’s government, as well as importing dozens of controversies leading to hundreds of protests worldwide since October 7.
“On the other hand, as the next generation takes the reins, social media protests are becoming more of the norm, and that’s something which needs to be understood and developed by the government.
“My son told me that there’s an online protest now happening on Wikipedia, due to its anti-Israel edits. Thousands of Israeli youths are editing the page for ‘Road’ to add themselves sitting in it, as moderators fight to remove them. It’s really bad for traffic.”