Dress code Safra-style
At the end of a secret – and stormy – meeting of the leaders of city coalition lists, Mayor Moshe Lion’s fervent request was finally adopted: starting next week, all municipal employees must wear outfits in colors dictated by their Zodiac sign. As such, employees born under the sign of Virgo will have to wear only powder-blue outfits. Those born under Taurus will have to sport exclusively red ensembles and Leo the lion-like employees (no relation to Moshe Lion) will have to change their wardrobe to gold-colored. Geminis, of course, will have the exclusive privilege to choose two colors – and from now on wear green one day, yellow the other.
The employees committee, representing some 10,000 workers, failed to obtain a special budget for the change, so staff will have to finance the significant wardrobe upgrade themselves. Lion – himself a Libra – noted that one of the many advantages of this new dress code is that “it will be easy to keep track of employees' birthdays.”
A new era is taking root for Jerusalem’s trees. Since the cost of planting, protecting and watering the old big trees of the city has become a burden on the budget, the decision of the Improvement Department, responsible for – among other issues – city improvement, is to replace them with small Japanese trees, which require less care. As of next week, the department will uproot the standard shrubs along Jerusalem's main arteries and replace them with colorful trees hailing from the island nation.
Alarmed residents opposed to the switch have submitted a petition, arguing that the petite East-Asian trees are not suitable for children’s games. “Small children, who so enjoy climbing tall trees and playing ‘Hide and Seek’ behind them, will be outrageously prevented from doing so; Japanese greenery is too short to be used for these sweet pastimes of our dear young ones,” laments the petition.
At press time, it is not clear whether Lion will give the exotic saplings a go.
In the framework of the school-lunch program in the lower grades, students receive hot meals prepared in food factories based on nutritional value. Following a charif protest by a high-falutin group of parents who insist their children eat in accordance with their own culinary traditions, this straightforward system may come to an end. A source from the parent opposition group says the new arrangement will rely on the culinary skills of parents, who will now cook the meals themselves. It will operate on a volunteer basis, but may become compulsory in the near future.
“The idea is to draw from the ethnic cuisine traditions of all residents in order to habituate children to all tastes,” a source droned. "None of the opposing parents work," another fatigued source countered.
Yet another source, from Safra Square, diplomatically said this cutting-edge new arrangement is "idiotic," in that it might trigger chaos when children used to spicy, seasoned dishes like chreima will be obligated to eat bland chicken boiled in water. In Jerusalem will provide up-to-the-minute updates on any kid rebellions sparked by the foodstuffs.