Parashat Matot: Family supersedes property

Our wives and children are our main goal and focus, and they are also the place where we can most influence and benefit. Investing in family is always a wise investment, and no one can lose from it.

 THE FIRST time, they presented their request as concern for the large number of cattle, for economic gain only. (photo credit: GERSHON ELINSON/FLASH90)
THE FIRST time, they presented their request as concern for the large number of cattle, for economic gain only.
(photo credit: GERSHON ELINSON/FLASH90)

This week’s parasha, Matot, provides us with an important look at the different priorities that people have.

We encounter this subject as the people of Israel is about to enter the Land of Israel after 40 years of wandering in the desert.

Entering the land is not going to be easy. It will involve war, and everyone understands this well.

And then, two tribes in the nation say that they are not interested in entering the Land of Israel. The tribes of Reuben and Gad see the vast areas northeast of the Land of Israel and like them. These two tribes “had an abundance of livestock very numerous,” and these vast areas suited their financial needs.

Representatives of these two tribes turn to Moses our Master and present him with the possibility of settling in these areas. Moses’s reaction is unequivocal. He reacts sharply and utters the following famous sentence: “Shall your brethren go to war while you stay here?” (Numbers 32:6).

Moses’s anger is due to his suspicion that these two tribes, for strictly financial motives, are trying to get out of the war that the nation is facing. This is an unacceptable reason, he tells them, for escaping battle. Indeed, after the two tribes hear Moses’s reaction, they declare the following:

 SCRIBES FINISH writing a Torah scroll. (credit: DAVID COHEN/FLASH 90) SCRIBES FINISH writing a Torah scroll. (credit: DAVID COHEN/FLASH 90)

“We will then arm ourselves quickly [and go] before the Children of Israel.... We shall not return to our homes until each of the Children of Israel has taken possession of his inheritance” (ibid. 32:17-18).

“We will then arm ourselves quickly [and go] before the Children of Israel.... We shall not return to our homes until each of the Children of Israel has taken possession of his inheritance”

Numbers 32:17-18

When Moses hears this explicit declaration, he makes a formal agreement with them and agrees to their settling in the areas that meet their financial needs.

However, when looking again at this parasha, we find another reason for Moses’s anger. And afterward, we understand the abatement of his anger and his agreement to give them what they requested.

When the representatives of the two tribes first appear before Moses, they present their request with the following words:

“[This] is a land for livestock, and your servants have livestock.... If it pleases you, let this land be given to your servants as a heritage.” (ibid. 32:4-5).

After Moses’s initial response, they present their plans to him again: “We will build sheepfolds for our livestock here and cities for our children” (ibid. 32:16).

But Moses still does not consent.

When they summarize their request again, the wording changes: “Our children and our wives, our livestock and our cattle, will remain there.” (ibid. 32:26).

Only then does Moses grant their request.

How is the wording different in these three requests?

The first time, they present their request as concern for the large number of cattle, for economic gain only (“an abundance of livestock”).

The second time, they add their concern for their families (“and cities for our children”), but they still mention the abundant livestock and property before family.

Only the third time do they present the correct order of priorities – family and only then property (“our children and our wives, our livestock and our cattle”) and then Moses is willing to grant their request.

The Torah presents us with different models of priorities.

There is the person whose concern, emotions, and thoughts are focused on his property, but he neglects the needs of his family. This is clearly a bad model; everyone knows that.

There is another person who invests energies and efforts also in his family, but his priorities are still defective because if he is ever faced with the decision of staying at work one more hour or spending that hour with his family, he will prefer to accumulate wealth and status rather than take care of his family unit. This is also not good.

The correct order of priorities is: invest the best of our energies in our family, which is the most important thing. Our wives and children are our main goal and focus, and they are also the place where we can most influence and benefit. Investing in family is always a wise investment, and no one can lose from it. Only later, when we know that we provided our family with its emotional and spiritual needs; only when we are sure that our investment in the education of our children and in the mutual love between husband and wife is sufficient, only then can we turn to accumulating wealth, gaining social status and other areas we enjoy investing in to reap benefits.

We must always remember that material gains and making money are only a means to a greater end – family and values. We must never turn the means to an end, because we would then lose our immediate surroundings and future. ■

The writer is rabbi of the Western Wall and holy sites.