How to spot and prevent signs of sexual abuse in children

Rahel Bayar, a former sex crimes and child abuse prosecutor from the Bronx District Attorney’s Office, has spent years handling some of the most severe cases involving crimes against children. Today, she works on the prevention side, advising schools, camps, religious institutions, sports organizations, and nonprofits on how to create environments that reduce the risk of abuse and harassment.

Bayar, who now runs the New York-based Bayar Group consultancy, said two types of cases stayed with her most from her time as a prosecutor. The first involved children whose futures she still wonders about, after their cases ended in court. The second involved cases that could not be prosecuted at all, often because young victims were too traumatized to testify or lacked corroborating evidence.

She explained that many people mistakenly assume that the absence of charges means innocence. In reality, she said, prosecuting child sex crimes frequently requires children to testify multiple times, including before a grand jury and later at trial, sometimes years after the abuse occurred. For many victims, that process itself can be retraumatizing.

Bayar emphasized that trauma does not unfold in a linear way, making it difficult for children, and even adults, to clearly recount what happened. She compared this to survivors of car accidents who may remember sensations or smells long after the event, rather than a clear sequence of events.

In her current work, Bayar focuses on prevention through education rather than fear. She encourages parents and institutions to establish clear boundaries between adults and children, implement practical policies, and ask direct questions about abuse prevention. She also challenges the belief that unsafe individuals can be identified through intuition or behavior alone, noting that those who gain access to children often appear trustworthy and competent.

Bayar said meaningful prevention begins with teaching children body autonomy, proper anatomical language, and the difference between secrets and surprises, without introducing frightening concepts. These early conversations, she said, can create a foundation of trust that allows children to seek help later if something feels wrong.