Changing your status

It may sound strange to change your location in your profile to city you’re only visiting, but why not see who’s out there?

By TAMAR CASPI SHNALL
Dating (photo credit: Courtesy)
Dating
(photo credit: Courtesy)
My friend Michelle flies across the country from Los Angeles to New York every summer to meet up with all of her female cousins who live in the tri-state area. Every year I tell her that not only should she change her location and “About Me” paragraph on her online dating profile to show “New York City,” but she should do so now – a few weeks in advance.
Although she will only be visiting the area for a long weekend, there’s no telling who she might meet, which means she also has to change her outlook regarding long-distance relationships.
Needless to say, telling a guy you’re only coming into town for the weekend will give him the wrong impression, so a little white lie may be necessary.
She’s not looking for a hook-up and that’s all she would get if she said she was just visiting. Saying you’re “thinking of moving” may not be the truth, but it also won’t hurt anyone.
All it will do is open Michelle up to more prospects. Sure, the guy may be on the other side of the country right now, but since she hasn’t had luck in Hollywood, then why not give Manhattan a shot? If it’s meant to be, then one of them will gladly move eventually.
Michelle is the only cousin on the West Coast, so if a guy asked her to, I believe she would gladly move cross-country to join her cousins. She is so busy with work that a long-distance relationship that slowly blossoms into something more may be the perfect speed for her life right now.
When I met my husband, I was on vacation in Israel but I was already thinking of moving (although not out of the country!) so I had an open mind. And when my soon-to-be-hubby heard that I was in a transitional phase of my life and had a portable career, he started to consider the idea of something more developing between us. It was our mutual openness that allowed a deep connection to develop so quickly, propelled him to ask me to move and gave me the ability to say yes. Neither of us ever saw our time together as a vacation fling. In fact, we never thought too deeply into what was developing at all in the beginning, which lessened the pressure and allowed the relationship to flourish on its own. I had never gone on a date like that in the past, but by just enjoying life and changing my outlook I opened myself up to the possibility. I didn’t change my JDate account to read “Israel,” but I did update my Facebook status, and that is how my friend Dan knew I was in Israel and invited me to the party where I met my husband.
It may sound weird to change your online dating profile to a city you’re only visiting for a short time, but why not see who’s out there? And if someone catches your fancy then why not make time to meet up while you’re there? Once I explained this all to Michelle, she changed her location from Los Angeles to New York and changed her first line in her “About Me” paragraph to read that she would “be in NYC and is hoping to meet someone that will help me make a decision about moving to the Big Apple.” She also started checking out her matches in the area and contacted a few guys who caught her eye.
Michelle has already begun communicating with one guy and they’ve arranged to meet up when she’s in town. Now she’s even more excited about her trip and is already looking for reasons to return to the East Coast even though she hasn’t even gone yet! By opening herself up to possibly meeting someone out of town, she has reignited the fire within, and now instead of being frustrated with being single she has a positive outlook about dating. She’s excited again and she’s not reeking of desperation either.
Who knows? Maybe this new attitude will result in her meeting someone in New York before she even gets off the plane! This was the whole point of my exercise with Michelle – to help her rediscover her spirit during what can be a frustrating journey. It’s so easy to lose sight of what kind of person you’re looking for and to let the quest get the best of you. By taking a trip, whether it’s to a neighboring state or to another country, and scoping out the prospects there, you can find that positive energy you’ve lost along the way. A vacation romance could be just what the dating doctor ordered. Or you can just get out of your own head and take an actual vacation without thinking about dating at all.
Part of changing your status is changing your outlook and changing your attitude. Take trips and be open to meeting people somewhere outside of your comfort zone.