Mr. Zigzag

Poor Mr. Zigzag, he doesn’t know which way to go.

June 2, 2016 22:04
3 minute read.

Illustration. (photo credit: AVI KATZ)


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It was a balmy spring day at the height of election season. After waking from a winter slumber in which he hadn’t spoken to the press for a long, long time, Mr. Zigzag gave lots and lots of media interviews. “No Palestinian state will be created on my watch,” promised Mr. Zigzag.

Mr. Zigzag is very prescient. Mr. Zigzag warned that, following the elections, Israel would face international pressure to pull back to the 1967 lines. “We must establish a strong national government in order to fend off these pressures,” said Mr. Zigzag.

Mr. Zigzag was right. Come the following spring, the pressure started to build. Mr. Nobody organized an international conference in Paris.

Paris is wonderful in the spring. Mr. Nobody didn’t invite Mr. Zigzag Mr. Zigzag brought Mr. Strong into his national government. Mr. Strong is the strongest person in the whole Middle East. Mr. Zigzag and Mr. Strong once had a bit of a pickle. Mr. Zigzag said Mr. Strong... well, isn’t so strong.

Mr. Strong said Mr. Zigzag can’t decide which way he is going. Mr. Zigzag does have a habit of saying one thing and then the complete opposite.

After bringing Mr. Strong into his national government, Mr. Zigzag said he was “obligated to achieve peace with the Palestinians and all our neighbors.” Mr. Zigzag said he was ready to conduct negotiations with Arab countries about updating the Arab Peace Initiative to reflect the dramatic changes in our region, but would retain the “agreed-upon objective of two states for two peoples.” Mr. Strong concurred with Mr. Zigzag’s statement – very strongly.

Mr. Zigzag has said this kind of thing before – before then saying the complete opposite.

Mr. Zigzag is feeling the pressure. Mr. Zigzag is asking Mr. Clever for help. Mr. Zigzag wants Mr. Clever to influence the outcome of Mr. Nobody’s Paris conference. Paris really is wonderful in the spring. Mr. Clever and Mr. Zigzag have had a few squabbles in the past. Mr. Clever doesn’t believe Mr. Zigzag.

Mr. Clever is wondering why Mr. Zigzag didn’t bring Mr. Jelly and his sidekick Little Miss Fickle into his government if he felt so obliged to achieve peace. Mr. Zigzag was negotiating with Mr. Jelly before... well, zigzagging, and making a deal with Mr. Strong.

Mr. Clever is... well, quite the cleverest person ever. Mr. Clever lives in Cleverland where people are as clever as can be and certainly a lot more clever than in this part of the world. Mr. Clever thinks he knows better than Mr. Zigzag what needs to be done to achieve peace. Mr. Zigzag doesn’t think Mr. Clever is... well, very clever.

Mr. Clever is going home in the winter. Mr. Zigzag is very pleased. But Mr. Zigzag is worried that before he goes home Mr. Clever will show him just how clever he really is. Mr. Zigzag is also worried that Mr. Clever will be replaced by Little Miss Trouble... but that’s another story.

Mr. Zigzag is under pressure. Mr. Zigzag needs to show Mr. Clever, Mr. Nobody and all the other Mr. Men that he is sincere about his desire for peace.

Mr. Zigzag also needs to ensure his political survival. If he goes too far, Mr. Brave – who isn’t afraid of anybody and would like to annex a big, big chunk of the West Bank – could pull out of the coalition. If he doesn’t go far enough, Mr. Perfect – who can’t bring down the price of housing no matter how hard he tries – could decide to leave.

Poor Mr. Zigzag, he doesn’t know which way to go.

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