The global challenge of COVID is still present, and there has been great inequality in the way the pandemic has been experienced by different people. For Jeremy’s Circle families who have been shielding there are challenges that reach beyond the pandemic. Research about children from previous pandemics has shown that social isolation and loneliness can lead to increased psychological distress up to a decade later.
As society reopens, anxiety over exposing vulnerable individuals to the virus may heighten. Dilemmas unique to each family include the balance between easing learned health-related behaviors, such as social isolation, while maintaining handwashing and mask-wearing. Frustrations may arise if necessary shielding continues and children see their friends return to more typical lifestyles. This can add to an already overburdened sense of injustice and difference.
It may also be harder to access remote schooling and socializing as the majority of children return to school.
Here are some tips for supporting children in shielded families:
• Listen to their experiences. Don’t assume that the easing of health-related restrictions is all positive. Collaboration between parents and schools is essential to identify support needs.
• Normalize concerns and encourage continued talking, drawing and writing about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. While careful not to invalidate or discount trauma, language matters. Rather than focus on the “damage and deficit” of all they have missed, think of the skills they have learned to help get them through. Help them find ways to weather the storm. Stories of loneliness and challenge can support a narrative around perseverance, determination and survival.
• Nurture resilience (the capacity to adapt to disturbances that threaten our functioning) through play. Play has been severely restricted during the pandemic, with limits on mixing and places to go. Children will need more hours outdoors than more time stuck with rigid learning. Let your child lead with their interests and strengths. It is only when we feel safe enough playing that we can open to learning.
• Nurture important relationships so that children maintain a sense of belonging with friends, school and other areas of their life.
RESILIENCE IS also nurtured through a sense of community and belonging. At Jeremy’s Circle, our mission supports this sense of community and meaningful connections through our many shared activities. If we can continue in this spirit of connecting and supporting each other, good evidence shows that our well-being will be improved.
So much of this past year has been out of our control, none more so than for our children who faced even more restrictions from parents and schools. Children can thrive when given the opportunity to take the lead in doing what matters to them. Where possible, enable children to take back some control for themselves and decide where they want to focus their attention, how they hope to live their lives going forward, focusing on their values and the kind of person they would like to be. For example, is there a cause they want to be more involved in? What are they doing when they are at their happiest, when are they at their most relaxed?
Children need to settle back into familiar routines. Involve them in decision-making and the transition back to more typical routines. Daily routines, including bedtimes and mealtimes, are important for stabilizing mood. For younger children, timetables and calendars of events can help.
Remember that some positives might come from the challenges children had to deal with. Notice together with them what has gone well and how they have managed. For example, some shielding young people found positives included: spending more time with their families, learning to be more independent, having more play time, and learning new skills.
At Jeremy’s Circle, we aim to create a safe space for families with shared experiences, to create a sense of belonging and a sense of community, all of which build and support resilience.
The writer is a chartered child and adolescent specialist clinical psychologist, and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society, with a bachelor of medical sciences, a master of education and a doctorate in clinical psychology. She is also co-founder of the Israeli charity Jeremy’s Circle. She works with Noa Girls in Golders Green and has a private practice in Centennial Medical Care in Elstree.