Remember Groucho reading a contract to Chico? Something along the line of: "The party of the first part" etc? Chico doesn't like the sound of that so they rip it off? It continues on in "legalese" about the first or third parties of the second party... and all those other parties… remember?

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Well, this Tuesday we're being invited to a big bash called elections. The different parts of all the parties will be there, and before we go – let's take a look.

There are three types of parties, besides the fourth type (sound confusing? Go back to Groucho and Chico). The first type of party is the modern, democratic party that has primaries for the lists of candidates. The first part of the first party is the Zionist Camp, formerly the Labor Party (also known as the Peace Camp in Arabic speaking places that don't like the 'Zionist' in ZC). However this first party of the first party also has a second part (Tsipi Livni) for whom this party is her fourth party (Likud, Kadima, Ha'tnua and now the ZC) in as many elections.Not only does she really like to party a lot, her parts of the parties weren't democratically elected. The second part of the first party is Meretz. That's on the left and far left. On the right are the third and fourth parts of the other type of the first party are the Likud (formerly, well… the Likud) and Ha'Bayit Ha'Yehudi (literally the Jewish House or Home, formerly the NRP).

Now the second party includes the religious parties that don't have primaries but each member on the list represents a certain actual group of people. The first part of the second party is Agudat Yisrael, the Ashkenazi Orthodox party. The second part of the second party is a newcomer to the arena: Yachad ("Together") that includes Sephardim and Askenazim and includes two types of Orthodox people: ones with a knitted kipa and one with black non-knitted kipa. These parties have women candidates… just not in their lists for the Knesset. It's an alternative system and before you knock it - let it be a challenge to you, to defend what seems a given. There's also a third part, Shas, which is part religious party and part something else.

Then there is the third party: these parties not clearly left or right, they don't have primaries, and the method whereby names reach the list to the Knesset remains a mystery. Indeed there is only one clear thing about these parties: they have leaders who think of themselves as "the man of the hour", a.k.a. as "the man on the horse", "the Napoleon of the generation" (B.G. can be substituted for N.). Perhaps today they should be called "the man on the FB" or "the man on the Smart-Phone". These leaders apparently believe that they alone can save the country, aided by a bunch of people chosen by Leader. I call these parties the "Ego party" - with an absolute capital "E". The first part of the third party is the Lapid party, a.k.a. "There is a Future!" (and there is, only it's not dependent on any one party). This can also be referred to as "the Yuppie on His Coffee-Maker" party. The second part of the third party is the Kachlon party, a.k.a. "All of Us!" (whoever that is!), and it's "the man on the cheap cell-phone" party. The third part of the third party is the older Liberman party (Israel is our Home, which is true for all of us, even though most of us don't vote for this party), and it can be considered "the Man from Russia with Love" party.

The fourth type of party is the almost racist party, the United Arab List, but I'll leave that alone, for now.

What I want to say is this: you may want to vote left, so vote left. You may want to vote right, so vote right. You may want to vote religious - so do that.

But please - don't vote for the ego party!    Don't vote for "the man on the horse" party!

Remember what Chico said to Groucho about the final clause of the contract: "Hey! You can'ta fool me! Every-a-body knowsa that there's no sucha thing as a 'sanity clause'", but not everyone knows about the ego clause!
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