By RACHEL MYERSONFass at the wedding of one her matches(photo credit: JESSICA FASS)
If you’re anything like me, brought up on a diet of cheese on toast and musicals, the term “matchmaker” is intrinsically linked to Fiddler on the Roof; a shuffling yenta serving as village gossip, as she plots the fates of fresh-faced maidens who dance around their courtyard envisioning their future husbands.Jessica Fass, a modern-day matchmaker specializing in matching international Jewish clients, bears no similarity to the yentas of yesteryear.Except, perhaps, for her ability to talk. After our “hellos,” Fass launches into her life story, chatting as if we were old friends, with humor and ease. Fass’s business, Fass Pass to Love (a play on the Disneyland “Fast Pass”), is narrated as the almost inevitable result of previous life experiences. Her story is a series of interconnected events – one thing had to happen for another to occur, lessons had to be learned. And so, to quote another classic, we “start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.”Fass grew up in Los Angeles, as a Reform, secular, and very proud Jew. She was a shy kid around her peers, but comfortable performing, writing scripts for fun and having her father film her on an “old-school camera.” Thriving in drama camp, Fass acted as social engineer.“Getting everyone together was what I was good at. I would invite everyone over, and help people to connect who probably wouldn’t have been friends otherwise.” This helped her to realize that she was at her best behind the scenes, leading to a decision to pursue a career in writing and producing.With striking gumption, Fass soon found herself in Hollywood, working on the hit kids’ show The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and later, on Two and a Half Men. During her stint on the latter, she made her first match between a male she had befriended on the show and her good girlfriend.“They had common values and humor; their politics were similar, as were their levels of Judaism, and I knew that I would be willing to date him, so that was a big compliment. I told [my girlfriend]: you probably won’t want to talk to this guy because he acts and dresses kind of nerdy, but he is a big, big sweetheart and if he asks for your number you should give it to him.”The couple were wed in October.“They were my first match. They are perfect for each other, and she changed him into one of those hipster Jews! I always say that you can change their clothes over time, but what’s inside is the important thing.”Fass with another blushing bride (photo credit: ROBERT BARNES)Five years in Hollywood left little time for anything but work, yet managed to accommodate two relationships of her own.“Both Jewish. Jewish guys tend to be more nerdy, and I’m more nerdy, so I seek them out. Plus, my parents wanted me to date Jews, and all my friends had. Culturally, it was a no-brainer.” Her first love “treated me wonderfully. He showed me how relationships should be. Then, the big, passionate love.”When the latter ended and work was also rocky, Fass decided to attend Taglit-Birthright. It was to be her first time in Israel, and following her brother’s advice, she booked to stay for a month.Birthright proved to be the biggest “sign” yet, bringing friends, eye-opening experiences, and opportunities. It led to Masa, a five month internship program.“I love people, and I’d worked on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, which is set in a hotel, so I thought, why not work in hospitality?” There Fass bonded with international participants and Israelis alike.“They were really drawn to me because I had worked on American television, it was really cool that we could bond over the Disney channel! I was like, tell me about you. You went to the army when you were, like, a child!”After overcoming a homesickness hump, Fass immersed herself in her new life in Israel.“I had been hit on in a matter of days more than ever before in the US, it really built up my confidence.” When she was offered a job after Masa, she considered it another sign, so decided to stay in Israel.“I started going to international parties at night to make more friends. I told my Israeli guy friends to come with me and meet my international girl friends.” Israeli guys, it turned out, had some challenges approaching the international ladies.“They would say the wrong thing and come on too strong, so they asked for my help. I started playing wing woman to them. They would joke and call me ‘J-connect.’”This was the beginning of Fass Pass to Love, urged on all the more by a successful second match between an Israeli man and Danish woman – a good friend, and a friend of a friend, respectively. After approval from both parties was secured with the demonstration of Facebook photos, the courting began, with a slightly rocky start.“I learned through them that there is so much miscommunication at the beginning stages, through texting and Facebook, and that I would need to get involved.” Luckily, the pair met in person a few weeks later, and had an instant connection.“They kissed that night, and have been together ever since. It doesn’t happen so fast for everyone, but they were in the right place at the right time, both looking to settle down.“It takes three to know you are good at something,” and after three matches and three years in Israel – “it was like I was engaged but not committed!” – Fass quit her day job to begin matchmaking full time, and made aliya. After remaining in Israel for a further two years, she has recently moved back to the States. With the aid of Skype, however, her business has stayed as international as ever.For a couple of hundred dollars, she offers dating coaching. She is a big fan of, what she calls “old-fashioned dating” – no sex before marriage, no kissing on the first date.“I’m a big fan of Orthodox dating practices because they focus on the people. You see if you are compatible as good friends, with good values. I believe that the sex will always be right with the right person. Whatever anyone else believes is fine, but I try to match those with the same beliefs.”Fass also encourages “un-laziness in dating”: wooing and phone calls instead of texts. “Clients don’t always listen to me, but I try!”Clients not listening seems to be one of the main hurdles, embraced by ever-optimistic Fass.“What I love about this career is helping people on their journey. I give them what they say they want on paper, then they see that it won’t actually work for them, and they revise it.” Her biggest piece of advice to clients is to live a happy and fulfilled life alone.“People smell desperation.”When times are tough, Fass turns to her nearest and dearest.“Sometimes I have my mum step in as a relationship coach if clients need some tough love.”Jessica Fass (second from left) with her family (photo credit: JESSICA FASS)Fass also takes on VIP clients, for whom she will actively, and constantly, search for matches.“It’s harder to set up women. They are born ready, and tend to be more serious, so I encourage them to be proactive in their love life. They can’t just sit back.” Men, however, are a different story.“Advertising for men is like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Girls are so excited that they don’t have to go out and search for dates, that it is handed to them, that I get many responses, almost instantly.” Modern matchmaking demands modern practices, and Fass makes use of social media, particularly Facebook, to advertise her VIPs.I veer off on a slight tangent.“Oh my God! You and your husband are like a real-life I Love Lucy! You’re Lucy and Desi. You even have red hair! I mean, they did ultimately get divorced, which makes me so sad because I think they were the perfect couple.”Then we talk weddings.“I’m so lucky to have attended many of my clients’ weddings,” she says, reeling off exact dates and details like a proud grandmother.“It’s an amazing feeling, I cry at all of them. It’s like an out-of-body experience to know that I was responsible for that. It helps me understand why I do what I do, and that I am good at it.”Jewish grandmothers around the globe can breathe a sigh of relief – the future of Jewish matchmaking is in great hands.