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(photo credit: REUTERS)
Anthony Weiner should resign, but not for the reasons you think. True, he has
disgraced his office and broken the people’s trust. And yet we’re well aware of
how many public servants have out-of-control libidos, yet do a lot of good. Just
because a man is a terrible husband doesn’t mean he can’t be a good public
JFK was arguably the worst husband in the history of the US
presidency, claiming virtually any woman with a pulse as mistress. Yet he is
still missed by the American people and rated highly as a
Added to being a lousy husband is the fact that Weiner is a
liar. But not telling the truth is what we expect from politicians. We’ve all
heard the joke about knowing a politician is lying because his lips are
Rather, Weiner should resign for personal reasons. He needs
Not sexual help, as this was never about sex. He had sex with none
of these women. Less so was this about pornographic titillation – something
Weiner could have easily gotten from countless websites.
No, Weiner needs
help to overcome self-destructive tendencies that will consume him if he ignores
them. Any elected official who tweets his swollen male appendage to a complete
stranger and takes pictures of himself virtually naked in the congressional gym
is throwing his life and career in the air with no idea of where they will land.
This is the behavior of someone with a subliminal desire for total
self-annihilation. And no doubt it is his self-destructive tendency that is
giving his wife pause about staying with him, much more than any bizarre sexual
Bill Clinton exhibited the same inclination to self-immolation
when he had sex in the Oval Office – the single most watched and guarded place
on Earth. He knew full well what his staff and Secret Service must have thought
when a young intern – with no official business with the president – went in
repeatedly to claim so much of his time. But Clinton didn’t care. He shared the
same self-destructive tendencies demonstrated by Arnold Schwarzenegger in having
sex with a woman who was around his wife day and night, even keeping her on
staff for a dozen years after she had his child. These are the marks of men who
have become so deeply cynical about life that the only adrenaline rush that
satisfies is one where they throw their lives off a cliff. These are all men
with an unending craving for love and an incessant need for attention, forever
proving themselves, and therefore despising their very existence, which involves
an eternal feeling of inadequacy and unworthiness.
Men who hate
themselves this much and strive eternally for the validation of others harbor a
secret wish that, in one way or another, the inner torment will cease. That’s
why they play Russian Roulette.
Anything to dull the pain.
Weiner has a death wish sounds serious, but it’s actually quite common to the
Broken American Male.
They are looking for anything that will deaden the
neverending inner ache. That’s where numbing agents like alcohol, workaholism
and drugs come in, with casual sex being the drug of choice. Sexual climax
brings a feeling of detachment and numbness which quiets the anxiety, however
briefly. Here is also why sex becomes so deeply addictive, as it’s pursued for
the instant “hit” it delivers.
But since it involves no deep connection
to another human being, it is insubstantial in nature, and thus the habit can
only be sustained with ever-increasing doses.
Anthony Weiner will not
resign. They’ll have to pry his cold hands from the door of his congressional
office. In his mind, this seat is all he has. It defines him. Without the bells
and whistles of success, Weiner sees himself as non-existent. No doubt he fears
that his wife will leave him as well, convinced as he is that she only married
him because of his office.
I am of a serious mind to run against Weiner
to highlight the broken state of American manhood, and how we must finally
address it rather than watch more decent men combust. A run against Weiner might
just provide the platform to extol the values void in America. America is in
desperate need of new ideals, especially as they pertain to men in the public
arena. Mark my words: There will be an increase in sexual scandals until we
finally address the depressing state of the American male – how he has been
reduced to an automaton in blind pursuit of power, money or fame, with scant
emphasis on the cultivation of his humanity. We will continue to witness men
acting out, doing anything they can to salve their macerated egos.
solution is a new set of values that defines success first as behaving like a
gentleman, and declaring as failures all those who may have conquered the world
but who have broken the hearts of those closest to them. It is the man who
cheats on his wife who is a failure, even if he has a hedge fund. The man who
has no time for his children is a loser, even if he’s a senator. And the man who
degrades women by treating them as the walking fulfillment of his libido is a
disappointment, even as he jets around in his Gulfstream V.
friend of mine told me that while she agrees with my theory of the Broken
American Male, she discovered – in discussing it with her boyfriend – that the
idea is not popular among men. I disagree. It is not popular among boys who
masquerade as men. But there are still a few of us who, recognizing our inner
brokenness and permanent feeling of inadequacy, want to stop being
hunter-gatherers – impressing the world with our flashy possessions – and
instead light up the world with the luminescence of our souls.The writer
is the founder of This World: The Values Network, and will shortly publish
Conversations You Need to Have with Yourself. Follow him on Twitter