Fabulously Observant: Improvising Judaism

Some Jews take concept of 'pikuach nefesh' to places it's not meant to go.

David Benkof 63 (photo credit: )
David Benkof 63
(photo credit: )
Many liberal Jews - but also some Orthodox ones - like to improvise on Judaism when they feel another value is more important. The results range from the heretical to the tragic to the silly. Some examples: • A friend from yeshiva got married last year and invited his friends. But because his bride is not Orthodox, he sent a note to all his friends letting us know that there would be mixed dancing. Well, OK. But then he asked us not to start all-male circles, and warned that if we did, he would stop us. I haven't asked, but my hunch is that if men wanted to dance together because we were gay, his fiancee would allow it, but if we wanted to for the observance of Jewish laws about not touching women we're not married to, that wouldn't be acceptable. • Current custom by many Jewish cemeteries is to openly disregard, out of "compassion" for the mentally ill, and often with rabbinical approval, the Jewish law that suicides should not be buried there. In my opinion, compassion for the mentally ill would mean never announcing any such policy, because some people suffering from depression or manic-depression may find that the fear of not being buried with their families is the very thing that keeps them alive. Rather than assuming that we know better than God, it's a good idea to trust that the traditional way has much wisdom to it. • I know two people who got Holocaust tattoos in memory of victims of the Shoah. The numbers on their arms are conversation starters for sure, and they have a constant physical reminder of the deaths of the 6 million. But the Nazis' tattooing of their Jewish victims was particularly galling because halacha does not allow us to deface our bodies in such a manner. Thus, Jews with Holocaust tattoos are defiling their own bodies in the exact same way the Nazis did a few generations ago. Surely there are better ways to remember the Holocaust. • I used to belong to a gay synagogue on the West Coast that made liturgical changes that make no sense at all to anyone who knows any Hebrew. For example, in the Friday night kiddush, they changed the words "mikol ha'amim" - that God selected us and made us special "from all the nations" to "im kol ha'amim" - with all the nations. If one disagrees with the chosenness of the Jews, then "bacharta" and "kidashta" should be dropped, too, because they mean the Jews are chosen and special. I asked about this situation and was told the synagogue didn't want to make so many changes that the tune would no longer work. • Reform and some Conservative Jews have tried to do away with the second day of the Jewish holidays, which is generally not observed in Israel, arguing that the reason for the second day is no longer applicable since we have modern calendars. But they also aim to abolish the second day of Rosh Hashana, which is observed in Israel, thus putting the lie to their claimed motivation. • One of the first gay Conservative rabbinical students admitted under the new, inclusive 2006 policy at the Jewish Theological Seminary told a group of gay Jews I was a part of that he does not actually consider himself bound by the policy under which he was admitted. That policy bans penetrative gay sex by all men including rabbinical students, and makes no change in Jewish law's ban on same-sex marriage. But violating those rules appears to be okay because of Conservative Judaism's emphasis on mara d'atra, or consulting local rabbis. This student claims he can flout JTS's policy and even worship idols and commit adultery as long as he can find a single Conservative rabbi to permit him to violate traditional rules in those areas. • Some Jews take the concept of pikuach nefesh (most mitzvot are suspended for saving a life) to places it's not meant to go. For example, I heard a prominent Conservative lesbian rabbi speak on Shabbat afternoon at a Reform temple. She used a marker and pad of paper, because, she said, "we were saving lives" by reinforcing gay self-esteem and thus preventing gay youth from killing themselves. I've spoken to several Conservative and Orthodox rabbis, and her argument does not hold water. One key point: The ban on gay relations is one of the most serious violations, so serious that pikuach nefesh doesn't apply. DavidBenkof@aol.com