Parting Shot: A nuclear snack

The morning after the agreement between Iran and the Western superpowers over its nuclear future was announced in Vienna, the phones starting ringing incessantly at Shlomi’s office.

July 16, 2015 21:19
3 minute read.
Sweet delights

Sweet delights. (photo credit: PR)

The morning after the agreement between Iran and the Western superpowers over its nuclear future was announced in Vienna, the phones starting ringing incessantly at Shlomi’s office.

A specialist in life insurance and pension-enhancing savings policies, Shlomi’s business had been thriving in recent years. But today, all hell was breaking loose.

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“What do you mean, you want to cancel your 25-year life insurance/savings policy? It’s a great plan and it provides you with security for years down the road,” he shouted into the phone at his client, Micha.

“That’s exactly it! Why should I care about 20 years down the road?” answered an agitated Micha. “Did you read the details of that deal they signed with Iran? In 10 years’ time, those crazy terrorists are going to be able to walk right in and develop nuclear weapons to aim right at us. Why do I need savings or life insurance? It’s clear we’re not going to be able to take advantage of it.”

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“I wouldn’t worry,” cautioned Shlomi in a more subdued tone. “Obama said that this agreement is going to prevent Iran from getting nukes – I heard him on the radio. And all these other countries that signed onto it – do you think they’re going to hang Israel out to dry?” They sparred for a few more minutes, until Micha finally agreed to sleep on it and not cancel the insurance immediately. Soon after hanging up, Shlomi fielded another three calls before lunchtime along the same lines – ‘what’s the point of planning ahead with the specter of Iran growing larger every year until in 10 years... boom!’ Shlomi managed to reason with all of them except for one woman, Karin, who barged into his office and not only insisted on cashing in her policies, but announced that she was also canceling her membership in her local health club and, from that day forth, eating whatever she wanted.

“I’ve been on a diet for most of my adult life – what for?” she told Shlomi, pocketing the canceled policy and slipping on her sunglasses. “I’m going out for a Cinnabon and then I might some ice cream. If we don’t have a future, we might as well enjoy ourselves now.”

Watching her walk out of the office, Shlomi feared that Michal had lost her mind. He sighed, leaned back in his swivel chair and loosened his tie. He was depressed and drained as he started thinking to himself.

Maybe they’re right, maybe this deal has cemented Iran’s status as a nuclear superpower. And with those fanatics constantly calling for Israel to be wiped off the map, it doesn’t take a fool to put two and two together: hatred of Israel + nuclear weapons = annihilation.

Calm down, Shlomi told himself, we have the best army in the world. Even if Iran goes nuclear, they wouldn’t dare provoke us. And if they do, well then...

we know how to take care of ourselves.

Closing his eyes for a minute, he began to chuckle before breaking out in a hearty laugh, remembering his visit to the bank yesterday. After much deliberation he had refinanced his home mortgage over a 20-year period.

That’s one consolation, he said to himself. If that worst-case scenario plays out, at least I won’t have to pay off the second half of that loan.

Feeling better, Shlomi stood up and stretched. Realizing he was hungry, he patted his ample paunch and walked out of his office. Suddenly he was in the mood for a Cinnabon, too.

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