With the Green Pass against the spread of COVID-19 defunct and void, the corona cabinet has invoked a new approach to combat the 8,112th variant of the virus that has just been detected in Israel.
Starting Sunday, the Off-Green Pass goes into effect, containing more lenient measures. Masks will be required in indoor areas only on Mondays and Wednesdays between 1 p.m. and 5 p.m.
Unvaccinated people will be allowed in restaurants and cinemas, as long as they sign a document relinquishing their first born children to the state.
The latest variant – Melvin – was identified in Whynot, North Carolina just five days ago. Epidemiologists had suspected that it would be found there, after it was initially discovered three days earlier in Why, Arizona.
“We had this suspicion, even though the two cities are almost 1,000 km. apart,” said French Dr. Enufariants L. Reddy of the World Agency for Virus Variant Tracking (WAVVT). “I mean, Whynot?”
Unlike the Omicron variant, the symptoms of Melvin include a desire to watch Adam Sandler movies, a tickle under the armpit and an elongated nail on the middle toe of the right foot.
Health Ministry D.J. Prof. Nogman Rash said that although he has sympathy for Israelis who have had to bear so many restrictions and bare their arms for so many vaccinations, the irrelevant data has revealed that this will be the final variant.
Until the next one.