Those fiendish Jews and their life-saving innovations

Comment: Iron Dome? We didn’t think it would work. They can shoot our rockets out of the sky? Impossible. But heaven help us, they’ve done it.

Iron Dome 311 (photo credit: Courtesy)
Iron Dome 311
(photo credit: Courtesy)
Those fiendish Jews. They are making it so hard for us to kill them.
They pulled every last father, mother and child out of the Gaza Strip, where we could get at them easily. They pulled their army out too.
Every last tank, every last soldier. The only one we’ve got here now is Gilad Schalit.
Some of them thought that this might sate our ambitions. Idiots. They thought the “international community” would give us hell if we carried on trying to kill them. Fools. Of course we weren’t going to stop, and of course no one was going to stop us. We won’t stop till we’ve terrorized them all the way out of Palestine. And it’s not like we’re making any secret of that; it’s all there in our charter.
But, heaven help us, they don’t shift easily. And they do value life.
Even our people’s.
We make sure our fighters are surrounded by women and children before we open fire. We make sure our fighters are indistinguishable from civilians; no uniforms for us. And still those Jews insist on holding their return fire unless they can be reasonably sure they’ll only kill our men. Unbelievable: We’re doing everything we can to get our ordinary people killed, and they’re doing everything they can not to kill them. What kind of upside-down world is this?
How do they even know who our fighters are? Think of the resources they’re expending making sure they don’t kill the wrong people! Thank goodness the rest of the world is too dumb or too blinkered to internalize what’s going on; thank goodness they still haven’t figured out that we’re deliberately putting our people in harm’s way and those Jews are doing their best not to harm them.
And as for their lives? Like I said, it’s just getting harder and harder to kill them. They have early-warning systems and alarms and bomb shelters and safe rooms and protective concrete cubes and fantastic, heroic medical services. Just imagine, if we adopted those kinds of measures, we’d have none of our people killed, and then where would we be?
Come to think of it, we wouldn’t need to adopt any of those measures if we just stopped shooting at them. It’s not as though they’d shoot first. But if we stopped firing, how could we complain to the world about those vicious Zionist enemies? How could we keep the UN and the rest of those suckers on our side? How could we keep the Jew-hatred at fever pitch among our people? How could we serve our noble, bloody cause?
But, damn them and their clever innovations, they haven’t stopped with the alarms and the shelters. Now they’ve come up with this “Iron Dome” gadget.
In a million years, we didn’t think it would work. They’re going to fire rockets at our rockets and shoot them out of the sky?
Yeah, right. This isn’t Xbox or PlayStation. Last time I looked, it was a pretty big sky out there.
But bless my soul, they’ve managed it. Ten of our rockets blasted out of the air in the past two days alone. Nauseating. We were sure we’d have some meaty kills out of those salvoes.
I mean, it’s not even supposed to be working properly yet; it’s still in the experimental stage; the Israeli media were laughing at its developers; they were certain it was useless.
Sometimes, I swear, I start to wonder if God’s on their side. Crazy, huh? I don’t know what’s getting into me. But look at the evidence: This weekend we had a Grad land near a kibbutz administration building. We got one right next to a school in Ofakim. Not a single fatality. A few minutes earlier on Thursday, we might have had a bus full of schoolkids near Kibbutz Sa’ad.But no, they got off just before we hit that bright yellow, sitting- duck target, and all we got was one teenager and the driver.
What? What’s that you say? Put the weapons away? Internalize the sanctity of human life?
That’s ridiculous talk. Next you’ll be telling me to make peace with them. To acknowledge that they have the right to live here. To build a state alongside theirs. To give our people a better future. To turn our attention away from war and violence and death and killing, toward something productive.
Never, I tell you. Never.