Tenenbom and his Austrian-born wife, Isi, have a home in New York, where Tenenbom established himself as a theater director, playwright, journalist, and author, founding the Jewish Theater of New York and writing a series of popular books starting with Catch the Jew! (2014) about his wanderings in the Holy Land.
As Gefen publisher Ilan Greenfield explains, Tenenbom wanted to find out how the ultra-Orthodox way of life had changed over the years: “To answer this question, he became one of them again, doing what they do: praying with them at synagogues and studying with them at yeshivas, eating with them, singing with them, joining them for Shabbat meals, driving with them to the graves of their holy rabbis, chatting with their spiritual leaders, the rebbes, and all the while speaking God’s language, Yiddish. In time, he gained their trust. People opened up to him, and their world of faith revealed itself in all its fascination and contradictions.”
The weekly news magazine Der Spiegel in Germany, where the book was originally published in German, calls it “Tenenbom’s best book to date.” The title of the book references the ultra-Orthodox prohibition on men looking at women, while women are expected to dress modestly.
Tenenbom tells a story to illustrate the apparent absurdity: “I approach two yeshiva students, who usually spend their time studying Talmud, asking: ‘Are you allowed to look at women?’ Their response? ‘Yes and no; it all depends on the circumstances,’ they say. ‘If the woman is beautiful, you are not allowed to look at her,’ comes the learned reply. ‘One is permitted to look only at an ugly woman, not at a pretty one.’”
Especially after October 7, there has been a push for Haredim to “share the burden” and for the government to end their blanket exemption from IDF service (although some 10% currently serve in the military). “This exemption is a sore point for many Israelis, who view it as unjustified, but the avrehim [yeshiva students] couldn’t care less,” Tenenbom reports.
Tenenbom was in Jerusalem when Hamas attacked, just as residents were set to celebrate Simhas Toireh. “Early in the morning, as the people of Mea She’arim get ready to dance the day away, loud sirens are heard, followed by sounds of explosions coming from high up in the sky,” he writes. After learning what happened from a journalist friend in Tel Aviv, he shared the news with locals, who were horrified. “They do to us what the Nazis did to our grandparents,” they told him. “We are all Jews.”
While Tenenbom’s unique writing style reflects his trademark irreverence, it is refreshingly honest and eminently readable. At the book launch in Jerusalem, Tenenbom said: “We have to look at each other and be able to recognize that we’re ein mishpocha, we’re one family, and our haters hate all of us equally.”
