Purim Shpiel: Israel sends janitor to speak at UN on Ukraine war

Purim Shpiel: The following is a satirical article from The Jerusalem Post's annual parodic Purim page, The Jerusalem Roast. Enjoy!

 Moti Cohen having a great time addressing the UN General Assembly on Israel’s behalf. (photo credit: RotoReuters)
Moti Cohen having a great time addressing the UN General Assembly on Israel’s behalf.
(photo credit: RotoReuters)

NEW YORK – Representatives from over 65 countries gave speeches at the UN General Assembly this week, condemning the Russian attack on Ukraine and sending prayers and warm thoughts to the Ukrainian people.

In a move seen as an attempt to placate Russian strongman Vladimir Putin – and because Israel’s Ambassador Gilad Erdan had previously scheduled a hairdresser’s appointment – Israel decided to send the Israeli New York mission’s janitor and handyman, Moti Cohen, to deliver the Israel’s remarks.

“I’ve never spoken in public before,” Cohen said after his impromptu speech, in which he expressed admiration for Ukraine’s sanitation standards.

“I was just about to install the minister’s new flat screen TV, when his secretary asked me if I had a few free minutes. I didn’t even have time to change out of my overalls,” added Cohen about his sudden brush with fame. 

“I had to look up where Ukraine was on the map.”

Cohen joined the other UN delegates in sending prayers and best wishes to the Ukrainian people.

When asked if those were going to be accompanied by a shipment of weapons or financial aid, a source in Israel’s UN mission, later identified as the office’s driver, said, “Let’s go one step at a time.”