The woke truth about the Maccabees - opinion

Jews in Palestine, fighting Greeks. What nonsense! As is well known, at that period of time, the Jews were in Poland, Lithuania and Ukraine, busily inventing communism and capitalism.

 HANUKKAH IS marked in Dubai, UAE, in 2020, a few months after the signing of the Abraham Accords.  (photo credit: CHRISTOPHER PIKE/REUTERS)
HANUKKAH IS marked in Dubai, UAE, in 2020, a few months after the signing of the Abraham Accords.
(photo credit: CHRISTOPHER PIKE/REUTERS)

It is, perhaps, a measure of the Islamophobia that prevails in Western and academic cultures that there is no mention of the Palestinian role in the Hanukkah story. The conventional wisdom suggests that the Jews, who were, it is claimed, indigenous to the land of Palestine in the second century BCE, having arrived there at least two millennia earlier, fought a war for religious freedom against the Greco-Syrians. They established a Hasmonean monarchy that lasted until the Romans destroyed some building or another and exiled them some 200 years later. 

The spurious holiday commemorates that miraculous military victory, as well as another purported miracle, in which consecrated oil sufficient for one day burned for eight full days in that building, in which they apparently burned oil, in total disregard of the ecological and environmental consequences.

Jews in Palestine, fighting Greeks. What nonsense! As is well known, at that period of time, the Jews were in Poland, Lithuania and Ukraine, busily inventing communism and capitalism, oppressing people of color, and making artifacts (pottery, coins, manuscripts, etc.) that they would later secrete throughout Palestine in an attempt to manufacture historical legitimacy for their planned takeover (after the fictional Holocaust they planned to invent in order to play on the conscience of the civilized world).

It was, of course, the Muslims, led by Ahmad Maccabee, his four brothers (Samir, Yaqqub, Ismail and Simon) and his four wives, who resisted the Greeks and invented potato latkes. Because the Zionist narrative has so fully dominated the Western consciousness, there are, of course, certain major revisions to the story that one must accept before the truth becomes clear.

As is well known, the Prophet did not make the hejira until June 21, 622 and the conquest of Mecca did not occur until January 11, 630, about 800 years after the date the Jews spuriously claim that the miracle of Hanukkah occurred. Thus there were no Arabs, Muslims, or Palestinians present in the Holy Land prior thereto. Of course, there were no Jews there either.

 The National Menorah is illuminated after a lighting ceremony to mark the start of Chanukah on the Ellipse near the White House in Washington, US, December 2, 2018 (credit: REUTERS/YURI GRIPAS) The National Menorah is illuminated after a lighting ceremony to mark the start of Chanukah on the Ellipse near the White House in Washington, US, December 2, 2018 (credit: REUTERS/YURI GRIPAS)

Remember – they were in Poland. Also, except for one miraculous night journey and a visit before he ascended to the heavens to talk to God and negotiate the number of daily prayers from 50 to five, the Prophet didn’t spend much time in Palestine. Therefore, it is necessary, for historical accuracy, to adjust the dates the Jews have ascribed to various events. For example, the miracle of Hanukkah actually happened sometime between 1800 and 1860.

The world took little notice because of the Napoleonic Wars and the US Civil War to free the black slaves who were among the first victims of Zionism. To the extent that anyone doubts the historicity of this claim, it would be a fairly easy exercise to pass confirmatory resolutions at the UN Human Rights Council, UNESCO and the UN General Assembly.

ONCE THE historic parameters are amended, the true rule of the Palestinians begins to emerge more clearly. For while Islam and Palestinians might not have existed as such, prior to the seventh century CE, that does not diminish in any way their claim that they have always held title to the land formerly known as Canaan, Zion and Israel, and that the Jews are usurpers. Because... well, you know.

Myth of a Jewish role

The myth of a Jewish role in the miracle of Hanukkah is so firmly planted in the Western (and Eastern) mind, that it will require years of efforts in the universities to properly educate the enlightened among us. 

But let us make a beginning. Because it is well known among contemporary Palestinians, Peace Now, Jewish Voice for Palestine, and J Street, that there was no Jewish Temple in Jerusalem, it follows that there was no offensive action taken by anyone to desecrate the temple, with no resulting insurrection

What did happen is that President Joe Biden (yes, of course he was there, check his birth certificate; if that’s not available, he will recount many anecdotes relating to his and Dr. Jill’s and CornPop’s multiple visits) recognized Palestinian dominion over Jerusalem, disregarded existing US law to permit payments to freedom fighters and martyrs (especially those who blew up civilians at bus stops and knifed passersby), and appointed an acknowledged anti-Zionist to be his representative to the Palestinians/Maccabees. 

All Hail Joe! This remarkable betrayal would be sufficient to demonstrate the centrality of Palestinians in the Hanukkah miracle. Further, is it likely that the Jews would have invented the dreidel? Spinning endlessly. Can we really doubt that the Palestinians were involved?

[Note to sponsoring organizations: If this works, I have an idea for a piece claiming that American history, culture, economy, and ideology started in 1619 and is entirely based on slavery. Also, I think that I can swing an Islamic orientation to Christmas. I am applying for the Mahmoud Abbas Truth in History award.]

The writer, now retired, served as global head of the Greenberg Traurig corporate and securities practice, as well as the founder and first managing partner of the firm’s Tel Aviv office. He amuses himself by writing trenchant commentary for the highly discerning reader.