Purim Shpiel: Haredim call on secular Israelis to join the HDF – ‘Army of Hashem’

Purim Shpiel: The following is a satirical article from The Jerusalem Post's annual parodic Purim page, The Jerusalem Roast. Enjoy!

 SECULAR IDF soldiers are seen being recruited by haredim in Tel Aviv for the battle on the Torah-front.  (photo credit: Reuters' Deli)
SECULAR IDF soldiers are seen being recruited by haredim in Tel Aviv for the battle on the Torah-front.
(photo credit: Reuters' Deli)
 The Jerusalem Roast, a satirical news section on The Jerusalem Post in honor of Purim (credit: JERUSALEM POST)
The Jerusalem Roast, a satirical news section on The Jerusalem Post in honor of Purim (credit: JERUSALEM POST)

Hundreds of haredi protesters demonstrated in Bnei Brak on Sunday, demanding that secular Israeli Jews carry their share of the burden for religious study.

Demonstrators carried signs calling for “sharing the burden” and enlistment of yeshivas and other religious study institutions. Up until now, government policy has allowed secular Jews to avoid Torah study by enlisting in the IDF.

“Enough is enough,” said Brothers in Books leader Shlomo Davidson. “Why do we have to sit and study all day while secular Israelis get to go on trips to Thailand after serving in the military? I would love to sit all day in a guard post on the Gaza border, but instead, I have to do actual hard work.”

Davidson complained that there were two tiers of citizens in Israel, those who study religious texts, and those who don’t. Placing the burden on one sector was discrimination and a violation of their rights, Davidson claimed, and his organizations would soon file a petition to the High Court of Justice demanding that the government begin drafting in Tel Aviv immediately.

 Haredi men dressed in traditional ultra-Orthodox garb stand behind a group of religious IDF soldiers (credit: MARC ISRAEL SELLEM/THE JERUSALEM POST)
Haredi men dressed in traditional ultra-Orthodox garb stand behind a group of religious IDF soldiers (credit: MARC ISRAEL SELLEM/THE JERUSALEM POST)

Yeshiva students speak up

One lifetime yeshiva student told The Jerusalem Roast that he suffered from a bad back from arching over texts, and he had lost some of his vision due to the bad fluorescent lighting.

“If I had my way, we’d give everyone in Dizengoff a black coat and white shirt and send them right to learn Gemara,” said the student.

Prime Minister BobaTea Nuttyahoo said that his government would find a way to create a new deal for secular Jews to partake in mandatory service. One idea that Nuttyahoo proposed was to cut non-essential soldiers from the army, such as everyone above the rank of major, and send them to yeshivas.