Marriage-minded

The Meet to Marry dating program puts the ‘me’ in finding a spouse.

By JOSH HASTEN
Meet to Marry founder (photo credit: MEET TO MARRY)
Meet to Marry founder
(photo credit: MEET TO MARRY)
Vanessa M. (last name withheld upon request) was a Jewish, single and successful small-business owner living in Manhattan. She had a steady boyfriend who she says had all the right characteristics – good looking, etc. – but she felt that something in the relationship wasn’t right.
Specifically, she says, “I didn’t like the way I felt in the relationship.”
It was at that point that she was introduced to a platform called Meet to Marry, a dating program which, to date, has helped more than 250 couples find their soul mates. Meet to Marry rejects the notion that there is just one approach that can help everyone. Rather, it is designed to help each person address specific barriers that are obstructing them.
Vanessa took Meet to Marry’s signature online course called Make It Happen This Year. She says that at her own pace, over a 10-month period, “My life was transformed.”
She explains that the course allowed her to realize that her boyfriend wasn’t “the one” and that “I wanted to be with someone who wanted to build with me.”
Only 24 hours after breaking up for good, Vanessa reluctantly attended a charity event in New York. She recounts that while she wasn’t looking to meet someone at the event, she ended up meeting “Mr. Right.” When people see your authentic self, which she believes she was able to bring to the surface thanks to the program, then anything is possible, she enthuses. She and Michael, the man she met at the event, were married in November.
The founder of Meet to Marry and creator of its methodology is Bari Lyman. A life coach and author living with her husband, Michael, in Miami Beach, she herself was a struggling single for 15 years. While Lyman is in the spotlight leading the initiative, Michael does all the behind- the-scenes work for the business.
The two are coming to Israel to conduct two seminars – on May 30 in Jerusalem and May 31 in Tel Aviv. They want to introduce their method to Israel’s Anglo singles community, hoping it will help lead them to the huppa.
While in Israel, they will also attend the wedding of one of their clients, who attributes their help to finding her mate.
Speaking to Metro from her home via Skype, Lyman explains how she started the program and why it has been so successful. She says that while she was struggling to find the right mate for those 15 years, she had an epiphany.
“I realized that in all those years, what was wrong was me. I was the common denominator. So I asked myself, ‘What is it about me that’s attracting the wrong people?’ I attracted good guys, but they were the wrong relationships for me,” she says.
It was at that point that Lyman developed a method.
“The method that I created defies conventional wisdom.
A lot of advice singles are getting out there is external, superficial. ‘You’re too picky’ or ‘You need to get out there more.’ Also therapy is great, but in therapy you’re talking and analyzing what’s not working. I [eventually] knew what was wrong with me, but ‘knowing’ doesn’t make a difference. In my method, we take the knowing and move it down to the heart, so people can be real, genuine, authentic,” she explains.
Lyman, who lived in Israel for a few years, making aliya before moving back to the US, says she is very familiar with the singles scenes in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. She says she understands when Jerusalem singles in the Katamon scene rationalize that maybe they will “find the one” by moving to Tel Aviv. Others decide they should try to find love back in New York. But she isn’t convinced that this is the right approach, saying that her method could be the alternative.
“My method is transformational. You experience moments that take those hidden walls down so that you [the single person] can be you and really show up in a relationship.
I had a blind spot; once you uncover that blind spot, you can step into something amazing,” she asserts.
She adds, “People think they are available, so they argue that it must be something outside of themselves [that isn’t leading to dating success], but we are not being clear; there is something deeper that explains why we are attracting the wrong people.”
After her revelation, her success in finding the one and introducing her method, Lyman wrote the book Meet to Marry: A Dating Revelation for the Marriage-Minded to educate others on how she succeeded.
Then about five years ago she began introducing her Meet to Marry online programs, which today involve live sessions that people can attend at their own pace in whatever country or time zone they are. She also conducts private coaching sessions with clients.
Not all Lyman's clients are Jews, and she has attracted a broad spectrum of singles of all ages from different communities seeking love. She says that 60 percent of her clients are female.
Marisa K. (last name withheld upon request) was a divorced, single mother living in New York City. She says that “after trying a million different things – dating coaches, therapy, singles events, online sites” – she decided to give Lyman’s program a try.
Crediting the sessions, she says that within four months she met her husband-to-be, and they were wed two months later.
“I was going about dating the wrong way,” Marisa says, reflecting on the other methodologies she had tried. “I was spending a lot of time with the wrong guys. I would go on 10 to 12 dates with the same guy.
On paper I was thinking they were right, but I learned that [just because they might be right on paper] doesn’t mean they are the right person for me.” She adds, “The program taught me to ask, ‘How do I want to feel when I’m with the right person?’” Marisa admits that she had always been afraid to let go of her friendships with ex-boyfriends, rationalizing that maybe one day she would go back to one of them. But one of the techniques in Meet to Marry that helped her overcome that way of thinking involved writing a completion letter.
It was not to be sent, but it was written for oneself in order to express on paper to one’s ex that he or she was not the one, allowing the writer to move on in a healthy manner.
In regard to the upcoming seminars in Israel, Lyman says the specific purpose is to help singles overcome the obstacles that are inhibiting their ability to find a spouse. She hopes that by introducing her method, the sessions will allow singles here to discover “what is getting in their way and how to transform it, so they will leave feeling empowered.” 
To reserve a spot for the Jerusalem event: jerusalemlove.eventbrite.com. For the Tel Aviv event: telavivlove.eventbrite.com. Tickets will also be available at the door.


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