Five months ago, thousands upon thousands of Israelis – several of my amazing kids among them – received a Tzav 8 (the IDF’s emergency call-up orders), and without the slightest hesitation they threw on their uniforms, quickly grabbed whatever supplies they could, and drove away.
These modern-day Maccabees had no idea where they were going, how long they would be gone, or what was waiting for them when they reached their destinations. Most of them weren’t sure why they were being called up in the first place. It was Shabbat and a festival; they had been celebrating Simchat Torah with their families and communities, and they were unaware of what was happening down south. In fact, due to the fog of war, it would take days and even weeks until the true scope and magnitude of the horror that was Oct. 7 would come to light.
But none of that stopped these intrepid Jewish heroes. The people and the Land of Israel needed them, and so, off they went.
Since then, Israelis of all stripes, as well as untold numbers of Jews across the globe, have rallied around our shared support, prayers, and concern for the soldiers, the hostages, the wounded, and the bereaved families.
But for many of us, Simchat Torah marked another milestone. That was the day our children headed off to war. That was the day we became parents of IDF combat soldiers risking their lives to defend and protect us. That was the day we learned to answer a question that we never imagined we’d be asked: What’s it like to be parents of IDF reservists on the front lines?
The answer? It’s not being able to sleep, and walking around with a constant knot in your stomach. It’s sending care packages and buying all sorts of random equipment and gear for your kids and their units. It’s doing whatever you can – hosting, babysitting, shopping, chauffeuring, running errands – to try to ease at least some of the stress for your children and grandchildren while their husbands and fathers (i.e., your sons) are away for weeks on end. It’s neglecting your own stress and mental health as you try to stay strong for your kids. It’s scouring the news sites for clues – a reference to a specific IDF battalion, a mention of a certain location – that might give you some indication as to where your sons are and what they’re doing, but then wishing you didn’t have that information.
It’s ignoring everything and everyone around you when your son finally calls. It’s not being able to make any plans because you never know when your kids will get leave or for how long. It’s cooking and preparing their favorite foods when they do come home and feeling grateful that you get to do their smelly laundry.
However, after four grueling months of war, many IDF reserve units were released, and an outside observer would be forgiven for assuming that all of the above had, at long last, come to an end. Indeed, social media was filled with heartwarming images of exhausted soldiers returning home to their loving, ecstatic families.
But reality, as is often the case, is immeasurably more complex.
After all, the war is far from over. It can’t – and it won’t – end until our enemies are defeated. So while some units have been released, countless others are still involved in active combat on Israel’s numerous fronts. In addition, as the released reservists are grimly aware, it’s only a matter of time until they’re called back up again. Will it be months, weeks, or...sooner? No one can say, but it’s a question of when, not if.
But not knowing when they’ll have to return to the front lines is only one of the challenges facing the released reservists.
First, there are the technical issues:
- Those who are still in school have to make up a staggering amount of classes, assignments, and tests; and although the universities and colleges have promised various benefits and accommodations, there’s only so much they can do.
- Some reservists have lost their jobs. Many businesses were forced to close during the war because the owners and/or workers were called up. Others are concerned that their employers have learned to manage too well without them, and now they may have become redundant.
- Such a long separation was bound to take a toll on even the strongest relationships, but with so much else on their plates many couples may not be in a position to go on weekend getaways or simple date nights.
Then there are the mental challenges:
- After fighting an existential war, many returning soldiers may have trouble thinking about their former routines of school, work, or mundane household chores. And while the married ones want nothing more than to relieve their wonderful spouses (who arguably are among the war’s greatest heroes) of their many burdens and responsibilities, getting back into the mindset of everyday tasks like bathing the kids or taking out the trash isn’t easy.
But all that pales in comparison to the emotional issues:
- It’s impossible to speculate about what the returning reservists underwent and witnessed. They may have lost dear friends or relatives, and they’re certainly experiencing a wide range of [often conflicting] emotions. However, learning how to deal with and speak about their feelings is a long process that can’t be rushed.
And yet...
In spite of all these challenges, the reservists have absolutely no regrets. Moreover, the very moment they’re called back up, whenever that may be, they’ll once again drop everything and head out to fight with the very same motivation and determination as before.
Maimonides (Laws of Wars and Kings 7:4) famously ruled:
“But in a milchemet mitzvah [which Maimonides defined as “a war fought to assist Israel from an enemy that attacks them” (ibid., 5:1)], the entire nation must go out to war, even a groom from his chamber and a bride from her pavilion.”
For the IDF reservists, these aren’t just empty words. It is their mission and their calling.
And whether they’re currently readjusting to civilian life or back with their units, we, their indescribably proud parents, will continue to be in awe of them, and we’ll continue to do what we’ve been doing since Simchat Torah – namely, helping and supporting them and their families and praying for their safety and well-being.
But we’ll also allow ourselves a few minutes to thank God for blessing us with such remarkable, inspirational, and heroic children and for granting us the incredible honor and privilege of being their parents. May He return the hostages safely to their families; may He watch over and protect each and every one of our beloved IDF soldiers; may He lead them to a decisive and overwhelming victory over all our enemies; and may He bring us besorot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation) speedily and in our days.
The writer is a Hebrew-English translator and proud mother of several IDF reservists. She and her husband, Yosef, made aliyah from New Jersey over 25 years ago.