When comfort is off the table, Israelis find new ways to cope under fire

And still, life goes on. The dog needs walking. Articles need writing. Food needs cooking, and homes need cleaning.

This past month, I’ve found myself living in a vegan friend’s apartment, sharing the limited space with her, my dog, her dog, and my dying cat. Anyone who knows me knows I turn to food for comfort, and maybe that’s a Jewish thing... (such goes the joke at nearly every holiday: “They tried to kill us, they failed, let’s eat…”). But in an effort to be a considerate guest, and maybe to be a little healthier, I’ve had to resist the familiar rituals of emotional eating. And so, to deal with the realities of the war, impending grief, and some new but hopefully very temporary living arrangements, I have had to find a source of emotional stability that doesn’t involve brisket, chicken soup, or Ben & Jerry’s.

In the first week, cooking vegan versions of my favorite dishes felt like an exciting challenge. The novelty wore off quickly, dulled in part by the obscene cost of vegan alternatives, though my tofu tikka masala has been a crowd favorite. I tried throwing myself into work, but being woken multiple times a night and then staring at a computer screen for 12 hours is a reliable way to invite a migraine, and writing about the war doesn’t provide the necessary escapism.

I tried taking my dog to the park, but after a string of recent missile attacks and one siren with no warning that left me sitting in particularly filthy sand, we haven’t gone back. I can’t concentrate on reading novels, though Alexander McCall Smith’s work usually relaxes me, and there are only so many hours one can binge watch Shameless.

“Our call handlers are reporting an increasing number of calls from olim experiencing heightened anxiety, fear, and emotional distress, particularly from individuals who were traumatized during the previous war and are now finding that unresolved trauma is being reactivated by renewed uncertainty and threat,” Cohen said.

“Alongside this surge in crisis calls, requests for Tikva’s low-cost therapy services are also increasing, as more olim recognize the importance of ongoing therapeutic support to help them cope emotionally during this period of instability.”

“The psychological benefits are immediate and long term,” Lipovetsky said, describing how the children in particular become visibly more relaxed during the acting games.

“The writing always evokes the deepest emotions that can bring up to the surface the experiences they’re going through.... A lot of kids wrote about their fears about the war and the situations that happened to them in their daily life, where they had to run to the miklat [shelter],” she continued.

Taking a similar approach, Beth Shahar said she began offering art workshops online to help people practice mindfulness. While before the war she had offered longer classes in person, she said she made the switch to ensure that everyone could feel secure in participating. She has also adapted the classes, relying on more affordable materials like magazines to make collages, which opens doors for every person to participate, regardless of their skill or investment.

“The main idea of my workshop is to connect to our intuition, become comfortable with our own unique creativity, to learn to release judgment and comparison,” Shahar said.

Many women related that they offered yoga and meditation classes, some online and others in private studios.

Tel Aviv-based Rimona Stein Morgan, a yoga therapist specializing in nervous system regulation, recounted to the Magazine how she has helped thousands of people over her 20-year career but saw an influx of those seeking her support after Oct. 7, 2023.

“‘I’ve been dealing mainly with nervous system regulation, people with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, the elderly... It’s helped me tremendously in my life,” she said. “I’m very much focused on the nervous system regulations, which is now so very applicable, and just using yoga and the very holistic approach, supporting the nervous system, building resilience, using sound, movement, breath, the philosophy of yoga.”

Morgan said that humming, controlling breathing, and changing postures could all help with connecting to the vagus nerve, a cranial nerve that connects the brain and internal organs.

Even a 10-minute exercise can help relieve the body of stress and tension, she said.

Ella Ray Phoenix hosted an online war and intimacy workshop last week. A meditation teacher, reflexologist, and tantra expert, Phoenix said that from a physiological perspective, intercourse is one of the best mood boosters, as it can help the body release “a cocktail of happy hormones that help you regulate your nervous, immune, and circulatory system.”

Speaking about the “energetic” benefits of sex, she said that it could reinforce a sense of personhood. War, she said, often aims to “annihilate citizens,” which creates a survival mindset that can disconnect people from their bodies, and “sex brings us back online.”

“Every time a woman orgasms in Tel Aviv, a jihadist terrorist loses his wings,” she joked.

I have found that small routines have helped me in my search for the perfect substitute for the comfort I’ve always turned to, and I can recommend, as a non-expert, the following:

1. Go on walks: Find routes with public shelters nearby. Maybe this is a cop-out because my dog needs to go on walks, but there are countless studies on the health benefits of getting up and going out.

2. I have spent a decent amount of time practicing tricks with my dog, and who knows? Maybe by the end of the war, he will even sit for me when I am not holding a treat.

While Rachel Van Vaneveld, from the Gilboa Loves Animals Association, warned against adopting a pet during war, fearing the abandonment that inevitably comes when life returns to normal, and people go back to work, countless amazing organizations are seeking foster homes and shelters looking for volunteers. There are also a number of studies showing that interacting with animals can boost mental health.

3. Try new hobbies. I’ll admit, I gave up trying new vegan recipes, but the challenge definitely broke up the monotony of the days for me, and if the war continues much longer, I may try my hand at embroidery or some other handicraft I have always wanted to learn but never had time to do. Some hobbies, like knitting or crochet, are even possible to do in the shelter and might help distract anxious minds.

4. Give your home a deep clean. Less fun than the other suggestions, but it is definitely a distraction. I will begrudgingly admit that living in an organized space does boost my mood. For those stuck at home, this might be the opportunity to do the tasks that have been put off for longer than you want to admit.

5. Practice languages. I have not personally renewed my Duolingo streak... but my friend has been learning Italian, and she seems pretty pleased with herself.